Ravenfamily FAQ

It's not that we don't like getting mail — we do like getting mail — we just don't like getting the same mail over and over again.

If you are considering emailing us, please review the topics below. If your query is covered but you email us anyway, please be aware that you are likely to get a hostile response. This is especially true if you email us anyway in the belief that the answer supplied does not apply to you, unless you are willing and able to demonstrate that you're not just the same dumb fuck in a slightly different wrapper. Once you've seen one episode of the A-Team you've seen 'em all, so you'd better be the equivalent of Murdoch being particularly fucking funny or we're going to switch off the TV. By putting a boot through it.

Part 1 v1. Ravenfamily in general.

• Q. Are you all called Raven?
  A. No.
• Q. Are you all sad Goths?
  A. No.
• Q. Are you all members of the Edgar Allen Poe Fan Club?
  A. No.
• Q. Anything to do with the wrestler?
  A. No.
• Q. Do you rehabilitate injured crows and ravens?
  A. No.
• Q. Keep corvidae as pets?
  A. No.
• Q. So why the fuck did you call the website Ravenfamily then?
  A. Because the creation of the website was instigated by Raven: a non-consensus, usually incorporeal, shapeshifting trickster entity who, round here anyway, gets about as either a large black bird or a Charles Dance lookalike in Ray Bans. Okay?
• Q. A non-consensus what?
  A. Entity.
• Q. Ah. This is one of those totem things, right?
  A. No. The word totem comes from the Athabascan word "ototeman" and is a cultural practice dependent on social context. We're not Athabascan.
• Q. Power animal?
  A. No.
• Q. Spirit guide?
  A. You're being irritating now.
• Q. So what the fuck?
  A. We call it Family because that's what it is to us. It may be the same feeling that the Athabascans have about their totems but we wouldn't know because we're not of that culture. We only know what it means to us. It's a belonging that for many of us is deeper and more strongly felt than any connection to our biological family, and it's something that we've always felt.
• Q. That's stealing the cultural principles of the Native Americans! How dare you! And I've seen you use Athabascan terms!
  A. Really, it's not. Saying we're stealing cultural principles is like claiming that any human community following a tribal structure is stealing culture from the Native Americans (or First Peoples or whatever they want to be called). Or saying that people following the teachings of the Dalai Lama in Germany are stealing the culture of the Tibetans, even though the Dalai Lama is quite public and keen for his teachings to go worldwide. Raven is not confined to the Pacific Northwest, although I'm sure there are plenty who wish he were.
  We used Athabascan terms for the same reason that the Welsh word for television is 'television'. Or the English word for Manga is Manga. And for the same reasons that the descendents of the evil Western Christian oppressors are now expected to call the tribes who immigrated to the American continents from Europe earlier than them whatever those tribes demand to be called. Raven demanded it at the time and he's a lot bigger than us.
• Q. Is this an Otherkin thing?
  A. No. While we may exist in a small pocket of outliers compared to everyone else, undeniably similar to each other but not to the rest of the population, we're all human. Skin, hair, eyes, teeth. Legs. Ears. No wings.
• Q. But I've heard at least one of you talk about being a different species.
  A. It's a figure of speech. The most recent medical tests haven't shown up anything concrete to indicate we've departed from the biological norm. Not that isn't still within the human distribution, anyway.
• Q. Are you all part of this family thing then?
  A. Only two of the current residents belong to Raven. One of us isn't Family at all. His contract is held by a Goddess, and a very demanding one at that.
• Q. Contract?
  A. This is an FAQ, not a lesson in basic English.
• Q. Okaaaaay. Cranky, ain't ya?
  A. You would be too if you'd spent ten years dealing with idiotic questions like this from total morons.
• Q. Is that how long the website has been up?
  A. The website was first created in 1997. It's 2006 at the time of writing, and we have had the RF domain name for about 8 years. Prior to that we had a website hosted at Fortunecity.
• Q. That was where the Nascakiyetl stuff started.
  A. Yes, that's right. That was what we were originally told to publish.
• Q. All that Core and Key nonsense.
  A. If you like.
• Q. Well, it was crazy, wasn't it?
  A. By everyday standards, certainly.
• Q. You didn't really believe all that stuff, did you?
  A. 'Believe' is a strong word to use under any circumstances. It's a model to describe what we experienced and works pretty well, as models go.
• Q. What happened to them?
  A. Who?
• Q. Core and Key?
  A. They moved on. In many different senses.
• Q. Okay, but you know, even though it was crazy, some of that stuff really clicked with me. I mean, I'd really like to join...
  A. Hold it right there. No. This is not the sort of group you can join.
• Q. I don't mean the Raven Group — well, I do really, but I understand that's not your decision and you're not the Group — it's just that I'm Family. I feel I'm Family. I mean, maybe even Raven Family. I just want to join and hang and learn about this stuff.
  A. You're not Family. Fuck off.
• Q. I'm sure I am. I think... I think I'm going to be the next Raven Core. Please help me.
  A. No. You are not going to be Core of any description, least of all Raven Core. You are a deluded individual who has spent too much time reading a crazy-ass website. There are plenty of weird websites out there, you just happened to pick this one.
• Q. But I am. I hear voices and everything.
  A. You're really not.
• Q. I am! I'm just like you!
  A. --La la la la la la la we're not listening-- .
• Q. Well maybe not just like you...
  A. Are you still here?
• Q. But I want to be like you. You're dark and mysterious and seem so powerful.
  A. Gods I wish I could say I was making up this crap - look. You can't become Family. Either you are born that way or you're not. That's just the way it is. And don't confuse aesthetic web design decisions with a sympathy for the Dark Lord of the Sith. Go away and get a hobby or something.
• Q. You've infected me with your pineal worm! That's what it is!
  A. Sure. Right. That's as good an explanation as any. We infected you with our inflatable pineal worm, making you want to join our evil gang. But you can't. So fuck off.

Let us show you the door