convergent technology

So my Nokia 6810i phone died, terminally hosed. It was this device, only about two years old, that you sort of used to make mobile phone calls, maybe send text messages. It was their first cheapish tri-band, had a keyboard that fitted my fingers, and did its job wonderfully. I went to get another phone. After protesting that I just wanted to make phone calls and use text, I walked out with what is now the bottom of the range, with built-in camera, download tunes from the net whilst on the move, listen to radio, exchange picture messages, keep my diary and half a dozen other things I don't really understand.
 
But it has a smaller keypad, severe complexity exchanging batteries if, as I do, I need a spare, and a select button by pressing the centre of a four-direction toggle. This last means that you have to hit the thing dead centre, or it'll toggle left, right, up or down and select something I didn't want. It comes with a manual aimed at a retarded four-year-old, emphasis being on which end to stick in your ear, then a jump-cut to managing your download list. Does it tell me how to move stuff to and from the exchangeable data card? Does it tell me how to turn off the features I don't want?
 
If I want convergent technology I want it to converge on my terms. That includes there being a model available that does the traditional things as well as my old phone used to. There is one, of course, the communicator, but they want an extra three hundred quid for it, in a time when technology prices are still dropping. I can't help thinking that I'm paying the price for the service proveiders having teamed up with the handset makers to ensure that all this 3G bandwidth gets used, even if it's because I've accidentally selected web-browsing because I wasn't looking at the screen.

Well you've got to use all that bandwidth, or else what would be the point? And I'm sure you'll be syncing with Outlook and using the phone to take furtive snaps of your nethers soon, just like the kids do.
 
Try telling them you just want a phone that will text and which is waterproof! Surely, this wild feature bloat is the sign of a fashion market instead of a technical market: no regard is paid to actual function, as long as there's lots of it and it's got l33t akr0nymZ. It's the same thing that sells 4x4s to mums and sports clothing to mall rats. Bah, humbug!

Outlook. OUTLOOK! Why would I want to connect my (fairly secure) phone service up to Outlook. I have this other great idea... I'll just turn off all my firewall features and leave the DSL on while I go on holiday for a fortnight. I've emailed your suggestion about waterproof textphones to the assistant I normally go to in the shop. I'm sure there's one around. It probably has a built-in dive compass.