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revised 16 May 2001

...not all pressure is bad

In sex-magic, the vagina is always viewed with love and respect. Since so many Western terms for it can be seen as derogatory, it's become traditional to use the Sanskrit term "Yoni", which translates as "Sacred Space" or "Sacred Temple". Since words have power, men should fully appreciate this before proceeding. I have used the image of the Graal instead, but the intention is identical: the Graal is the sacred chalice, a symbol which gives meaning to its contents, and in this instance it contains the whole world. As with the adoration of the rod, the purpose of the adoration of the Graal is to create a mental and physical space for the Maiden (receiving the adoration) to relax, enter a state of great arousal and gain as much pleasure as possible from the Graal. Her partner, giving adoration, experiences the joy of being able to give service, and witnesses something very special. The ritual builds trust and intimacy and may prove to be a profoundly emotional activity for both parties.

The goal of the ritual is not orgasm. It may well occur and when it does, it's an extremely pleasant side-effect. When orgasm does happen, it's often more prolonged, more satisfying and more intense than normal. As with the solo ritual, there's no particular advantage in achieving orgasm, nor in denying it. The goal is simply to give great pleasure to the Graal, and this perspective should allow both the Maiden and her partner to relax.

Nor is the goal further sexual activity. The partner or worshipper should expect nothing in return. It was only because our knight asked nothing, that the Maiden could grant his every desire. In that spirit, other sexual activity may well follow but this should be the choice of the Maiden.

As before, you can compromise on the working space if necessary, but not the time. If you and your partner used the same area to practice the solo ritual, build on that and use it again. The lighting should be low once again, and background music might be an advantage. Build on the existing imagery, which you discussed after the solo rituals. If you followed the idea of the candle in a glass bowl, with a blossom, then the partner could perhaps select and bring a blossom as an offering for the maiden to place in the bowl. If you used incense before, use the same incense again, if possible. Use anything which will continue to build imagery in the brain and make the preparations for ritual become as natural as breathing. You will need a high quality massage oil or other liquid lubricant as appropriate.

Once again, take a ritual bath if you can, and "Make yourself comfortable". Moreso even than in a solo ritual, interrupting the adoration due to a full bladder is disruptive. Remember to treat the bath as a spiritual break as well as a physical one. You may wish to towel each other dry, or perhaps the Maiden may bathe first and then enter the ritual space and wait, building the expectation whilst her partner prepares. Above all, take time to become fully comfortable and prepared.

Start with a melting hug as described on the basic techniques page. Then move to the massage area. The Graal maiden should lie back with her head and shoulders raised on cushions or pillows, and a pillow covered with a towel beneath her hips. She should be able to look at her partner and her genitals. She should spread her legs and bend her knees a little to expose her genitals as fully as possible for the massage. At this point she may feel extremely vulnerable and it is her partner's responsibility to maintain a sufficient bond of trust to proceed. Her partner should sit cross-legged between her legs, sitting on a small cushion if this helps, in a position to allow complete and easy access to the genitals and other parts of the body.

The Maiden should repeat the relaxation and breathing exercises that she has practiced both in isolation and as part of the solo ritual. When she is fully given to breathing light, the massage can proceed. Spend as long as you need. If both partners are experienced in the technique, the worshipper may also perform the breathing exercises, but not at the expense of attention to the Maiden.

With warmed hands, the worshipper should begin by massaging the legs, abdomen, breasts and any other conveniently accessible parts of the body, whilst the Maiden continues the relaxation process. This gives both parties a space to prepare for approaching the Graal. Now, pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil or lubricant onto the Maiden's mons. There should be enough to drip down over the outer lips and cover the outside of the Graal. hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.

Canticles, 5, 5

Begin to gently massage the mound and the outer lips. Don't rush. Relax and enter fully into the experience of giving the massage. Find pleasure in being able to give pleasure. Gently squeeze the outer lips and slide your thumb and forefinger up and down the entire length of the lip. Don't move on until you really must: whatever you are doing, would be even better at half the rate. Eventually, apply the same massage to the inner lips of the Graal. The Maiden should tell the worshipper if the speed or pressure needs to be varied, but otherwise, simply gaze into each other's eyes rather than talking too much. The maiden may simply continue the breathing visualisation, building on the well images, or may feel that she wants to gently massage her own breasts.

Now fully approach the Graal. Perhaps you may visualise the sacred space as being entered through a pointed archway with a carved rosette at the peak. No-one said you had to put aside your sense of humour in order to follow this path. Gently stroke the clitoris in small circles in each direction. Squeeze it gently between thumb and fingers. This is a massage rather than being intended to induce orgasm: the maiden will undoubtedly become extremely aroused: try to get her to relax, return to breathing light and visualise rather than grasping for orgasm.

After a while, very slowly and with care and reverence and insert the middle finger of your right hand into the Graal. Be very gently and slowly massage the inside walls of the sacred space. Gently massag up, down and sideways. Holding the hand palm-up, crook the middle finger gently and slowly towards you. You should contact a spongy area under the pubic bone, behind the clitoris (the "G-spot"). She may find the resulting sensations pleasurable or slightly uncomfortable. Again move slowly and gently, varying the speed, pressure and movement. Always check with her first, but she may well enjoy the additional stimulation if you insert a second finger into the Graal, and perhaps your smallest finger, very gently, after consultation and with lubrication, into her anus, encompassing the world in your hand.

Whilst doing all this, but without taking away the focus from the Graal, you can use your left hand to massage her breasts, abdomen, or clitoris. You can use the thumb to massage up and down the clitoris whilst the rest of the hand massages her mons. But be careful to maintain the focus on the Graal and maintain regular eye contact: this massage is for the Maiden and the intent matters as much as the physical stimulation.

Continue the massage, breathing and looking into each other's eyes. Maintain different pressures, speeds and patterns. It will probably be a profoundly emotional experience for both partners. Simply accept any emotions which do arise, and leave the analysis for afterwards. If she has an orgasm, she should keep on the rhythmic breathing and the worshipper should continue gently massaging unless she asks otherwise. Further orgasms may occur (this exercise is useful in learning to become multi-orgasmic), each more intense than the last. This effect is often known as "riding the wave". Whether or not she has an orgasm, keep massaging slowly and gently until she tells you to stop. With great reverence, remove your hands and allow her to enjoy the afterglow.

Once again, end the ritual as you began. If necessary, restore yourself to breathing light for a few minutes. End with another melting hug. Then, with a conscious effort, bid farewell to the guardian of the place, leave, and ground yourself.

Once again, write up separately but discuss everything together, what you felt and saw and what it means for you both. There's little point in proceeding without discussing the whole thing in some detail.

There's an equivalent exercise for adoring the rod. Partners should take turns giving and receiving until you are both happy to move on. Then and only then...

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